.glitterspitt.

Deary me

2010-09-15T11:04:00.002+01:00

One should update this more often!
Perhaps when I get a new phone with a decent camera and the ability to let me blog on it, I will...hm, I have tons of things to write about but all of them need pictures and I lack a camera!

In the meantime, I lurk tumblr a little bit :)
http://glitterspitt.tumblr.com/

i also move out in two days. Two days to pack all my clothes up and make sure none of my make up will break on it's way to newcastle < this is the thing I am MOST bothered about. Ask my brother, he had to bring some of it back from my mam's once.
"Tom. TOM. You know how much moneys in there? You know how much money you're gonna owe me if you break ANY of it? TOM, are you listening to me? TOM"
".....alright"

My brother is so enthusiastic about everything.

Hells Bells

2010-08-03T22:38:00.002+01:00

I'm having a bit of a bad time at the minute.
Not particularly BAD bad, just stressful, and there's been lots of tears.
It's results day very soon - not as worrying for me as for some people, but the idea of it still scares me, it always has.
I'm having a bit of a crisis with certain people - I don't like playing piggy in the middle and I don't like choosing who to spend my time with. Remember the girl in Mean Girls?

Everything does seem to get harder as you get older - I'll be 20 soon.
Friends seem to take more work, there seems to be this list of things you should have done by this age, but fuck it all, because I don't want to play my life like a re-run of everyone elses. I'll take it as it comes, thank you very much.

I'm moving out in a month and 9 days.
This is as terrifying as it is exciting!
I've packed none of my stuff up, I've bought nothing...but you know, that's just me all over.

Everything's a bit haywire at the minute, hopefully when uni's in full swing I'll have time to start updating this regularly with proper entries. And I won't have to travel for 2 hours to see my boyfriend *grumble*

Suddenly my eyes are open, everything comes into focus...

2010-07-20T18:04:00.002+01:00

I decided that I was absolutely sick of writing letters I didn't care about, so I gave up on the game and just decided to write normal blogs again, ha.

It is results day in less than a month.
I'm not too worried, I only needed 2 E's on account of the fact I've already got so many A Levels, but it's still slightly nerve-wracking. I'd just like to know what I've got, please!

This also means, that in two months, I shall be all moved out and about halfway through Freshers Week at Northumbri :) Exciiiiiited!

I really should get on making a list of stuff that I desperately need, because there's a lot of it. I think when I get round to it, I'll blog a list, and use it as a reference, haha.

This was essentially an update saying no more letters, as I'm supposed to be cleaning my room out, seeing as I'm moving into my younger brother's (tiny) room for when I come home and sleep here. Sigh.

Day 6 - A Stranger & Day 7 - An Ex

2010-07-16T08:50:00.002+01:00

Dear person;
What do you say to someone you've never met?
Do I talk about myself, or something else?
I'm not usually too bad at talking to stranger. I like people, and I like decent conversation, so I tend to leave bars with ten new friends, who of course, I will never see or speak to ever again in my life. This does mostly happen after too much plonk, mind.
I'm not too good with people without the alcohol. It's not that I'm shy, I'm far from it, I just don't really like them. Most people that I see just rub me up completely the wrong way.
I'm not anti-social or lacking any friends, it's just being everyone's friend doesn't appeal to me. I know a lot of people, but it's very rare I call someone an actual friend. Knowing everyone seems boring.
This turned out to be an incredibly weird letter. Obviously this 30 day exercise is supposed to make me write my feelings - I can't write to somebody I don't know, haha. Never mind.
xo

Dear Mr. Ex;
I won't name you because it's not fair.
I pride myself on being a strong, independent person - I've never needed a boyfriend or a man to make myself feel better, or for the apparant status symbol it gives. I don't need to know that everyone thinks I'm content with my life because I'm in a relationship - I don't care; my friends are all I need.
I still speak to you now - a huge part of me wonders why, but it's probably just because it's easier. I like your friends, and we both spend time in so many of the same places, a platonic friendship's easier than bumping into a sworn enemy every time I go out.
I don't miss you. When we first broke up, I thought I did, but it hit me eventually I just missed the closeness, and constantly having someone there.
I'd promised myself that when it all finally completely fell apart (because, let's face it, it was well on it's way to doing so a long time before it actually did) I'd stay single for a while, but alcohol + boredom + not wanting to sleep on my own led to me somehow falling into the best thing that ever happened to me; everything's going right for once.
You told me a couple of weeks ago you missed me. I could have ran a mile. Like I say, we're friends, we still have a few things in common, but I'd quite happily rather chew BOTH my arms off than go back there again. Mate.

Day 5 — Your dreams

2010-07-14T13:50:00.003+01:00

I don't think I can write a letter to my dreams, because I never remember them. They're always strange washes of colour in my mind when I wake up on a morning, swirling patterns and noise. I wish I could remember actual subjects, or things that occurred in them, but I can't. I can sometimes remember one thing that happened, but then while trying to concentrate on that bit, I forget the rest of it.
I used to remember my dreams, I used to have terrifying dreams. I'm quite glad they stopped. Although, maybe they didn't - maybe I just can't remember them anymore; I still wake up sweating and screaming sometimes. I'm glad I don't remember those dreams.
In essence, writing this was pointless.
How to I write a letter to something I can't ever remember?

Day 4 - Your Sibling

2010-07-14T13:45:00.002+01:00

Should have done this one last night as it was one of the three I missed, but I'll do it now ^_^

Tom,
You're the biggest idiot I know. You can't seem to get a good enough of a grasp on life to allow it to become slightly easier for yourself - you make everything a ridiculous struggle. But regardless of this, I love you, very much. I'll help you in any way I can, if you need it.
You might just spend your time moping around and winding everyone in the vicinity up, but you're still my brother and no matter how much I shout and swear, I still love you.
xx

Day 3 - Your Parents

2010-07-13T21:44:00.002+01:00

Dad and Mam;
I know now there are two ways this letter will go.
Either I'll start writing, say what I need to say and stop, or I'll start writing and probably never ever stop.
I love you both, very, very much. You gave me the best you could, and I'm pretty happy with the way I've turned out.
You both shout a lot, one of you a lot more than the other one, but it doesn't make a difference. It means me and mam argue a lot more than me and my dad, but it doesn't mean that I love one more than the other.
You've both supported me through everything I've wanted to do, and both helped me to achieve it to the best of my potential.
I think my mam worries she doesnt have as much control over me as she wants, but she never will. She taught me to do what I wanted.
Dad, you are the most amazing man in the entire world. You give me food, shelter, free internet and electricity, and a shoulder to cry on when I need it. The nights we spend sitting awake at 1am talking absolute shite make my life.
I love you both :)
Han xo

Day 2 - Your Crush

2010-07-13T21:21:00.002+01:00

I owe three days worth of letters. Bad Blakes.

Dear Peterpan,
Feeling like this seems absolutely ridiculous. I've never been able to be myself around anybody the way I am around you. Just waking up on a morning and knowing that you're going to be there when I roll over makes me unbelievably happy. I love watching you sleep. I would stay with you every single minute of the day, and I only get annoyed that I can't do that. I'd quite happily lie next to you forever, but you'd only use me as an ashtray or tickle me to death :)
The fact that I almost passed out the night you met me still makes me laugh :) lots of things you do make me laugh. If I laugh too much, the GGG might come and take me away mind :P
You make me happier than I thought you ever could, even with the name calling and the abuse :)
Never change xo

Day 1 - Your Best Friend

2010-07-10T12:12:00.003+01:00

Dear Stacy;
You are the most wonderful person I think I've ever met. I've known you since we were like...13? and I love the fact that you think my brother is still 10. You're the best cook I know, and I relish in telling everyone we meet that you're a soup dragon, cos comeon, you are really. I miss nights out in Legends, and getting so drunk on ridiculously cheap alcohol we can't even get out of a taxi - remember my birthday, and coming home to the sun coming up?
We need to do more things like this, I reckon camping's on the agenda this summer? Or at least going out one night and then sitting in Blackhill park til the sunshine comes up?
I enjoy the way people look at us like we're ridiculous, tromping round with big boots on, and with massive hair. Consett may hate us, but we love it really.
You're always full of crack, and you're never far away if I ever need anything.
I think we should all move into a massive house and turn it into a non-stop party, cos we'd be the best people for it, really.
I love you lotses!

30 letters.

2010-07-10T12:09:00.002+01:00

Everyone seems to be doing this on their Tumblr accounts. I do not have a tumblr, nor do I want one, therefore....its going on here.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

A-Z of me.

2010-07-09T19:26:00.003+01:00

This is out of pure, pure boredom and a little bit of guilt at the fact I never post anything.

A - Alice in Wonderland
B - Big hair
C - CSI
D - Dancing
E - Every Time I Die
F - Friends
G - Glitter
H - Human Traffic
I - Idiocy
J - Joints
K - Kisses
L - Love
M - Make up
N - Newcastle
O - Oranges
P - Peterpan :)
Q - Quick dry nail varnish
R - Red hair
S - Seinfeld
T - Trainspotting
U - Uselessness
V - VK orange
W - Winter
X - Xmas?
Y - Yellow
Z - Zero

That was harder than it looks!

Oops.

2010-06-26T16:41:00.003+01:00

Alright, so it's been a while.
I'd apolgise, but I've had so much stuff going on in my life I haven't even had a chance to blink.
I really want to keep this blog going, and make it better than it is now, because facing the facts, it's useless. I post on it about once a month and it's not going to help anyone keep up with me at university or anything.
So, on with the show. What've I been doing with myself?
The last time I updated my blog was in March, after I'd seen Alice in Wonderland.
In short, since then, I've drowned in revision, opened some slightly suprising January module results (2 marks off an A in Law, no idea how I did it!) and decided that I was with the nicest guy ever.

I'd do a play by play, shot by shot explanation of what I've been up to, but I really cannot be bothered.
It's too hot (I hate hot weather), my pile of revision (last exam on Tuesday, wheeeee) is getting even bigger, and I've got a bath running.

I've got some products I'm thinking about swatching and reviewing, kind of, just because I like them, haha. However, the first problem with that is my lack of a camera.

And on that note, aurevoir.

"Where've you been?" "Errrrm, well...."

2010-04-28T21:00:00.011+01:00

If those words come out of my mouth, when you ask me that question, you know I'm lying.
I never post things on here anymore, but my life's not particularly that interesting at the minute. I spend most of my time in Newcastle with Peterpan, cooking weird food and smoking too much weed, or in bed :)
However, it's hot now, which is nice occasionally, but if it gets any hotter I'll become a total recluse for fear of getting too hot and my make up pouring off my face and my skin turning brown, I don't particularly like being tanned. And I like my make up too much to not wear it, so it's not even an option, ha.
I came to post this, which I found on my friend Ana's blog; it made me smile.

1) Post a picture of you in your room

This is in my room, I just don't own any photos where you can actually see my room, ha.

2) Post a picture of you very drunk

How drunk is very?

3 Post a picture of you on your birthday.

4. Post a picture of you making a goofy face

Cheers, Jodie!

5. Post a picture of you being truly yourself

This is literally my life epitomised in a photo.

6. Post the most recent picture of you

Oh, Christ.
Tara’s birthday, couple of weeks ago. My hair is short now, to my shoulders.

7. Post a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous

All of my pictures are ridiculous.
I’ll put two, I couldn’t choose =)

Standing on a toilet, cos I’m cool as fuck.

And stealing someone’s drink. I look pure guilty.

8. Post a picture of a time of your life that's over and you wish wasn't

Back in the skinny, couldn’t give a fuck days =)

9. Post a picture of you with someone you love.

Best woman in the worrrrlllllddddd.

10. Post a picture that makes your heart smile

These are my lovelies from college =) best people on le planet, minus a few

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

2010-03-11T07:45:00.005Z

Twinkle, twinkle, little bat;
How I wonder where you're at;
Up above the world you fly;
Like a tea tray in the sky.

Seeing as I did nothing except squeal about the fact that Alice in Wonderland was coming out, I decided I would blog about it, because there's been a lot of fuss over it. I thought with this I'd try to draw together some of the reasons why I enjoyed it, why I didn't, and why everybody else seems to think it's utter drivel.

I've been waiting for this version of Alice in Wonderland for a long time. As in, a long time being last year, sometime. I am an avid Tim Burton lover; for my Film Studies coursework, I conducted my research on him, as an auteur - that is, his work as a director. All this served to do was make me love his work more, I thoroughly enjoyed carrying it out.

Therefore, all of this added research into Burton had me thoroughly excited for Alice in Wonderland. Or Underland, as Burton renames it, stating Alice had the name wrong the first time she visited, as this is, of course, her second trip down the rabbit hole.

The film overall was a slight letdown - the story is a bit lacking, and a lot of the best cast, albeit voice characters or otherwise, don't have enough screen time. But it's an absolute visual treat. A lot of the CGI seems slightly odd, or even unnecessary - Crispin Glover's body is CGI, without any real reason for it. The 3D, also, I could have lived without - I just don't like it. The IMAX screen is pin perfect, the HD's amazing, and it's so big, but then you have to put the glasses on, and it dies a horrible death. This will be the last thing I will see in 3D, and also the last thing I will see at the new Odeon in the Metrocentre, but that's a story for another day.

The things I have heard people saying about why they didn't like it seem to be slightly rubbish reasons for not liking something. A lot of people I know who've seen it just say "Oh it was totally hyped", and leave it at that. Justification is needed, people! One of the big things people don't seem to like about it is the fact it's another remake of Alice in Wonderland. Oh ladida, every film maker remakes things. Transformers is a remake, Titanic was a remake, The Fly was remade by Cronenbourg and has risen to cult status. People remake their own imaginings of things all the time.

Another thing the general public, and the critics seem to have a bit of a problem with is the fact that Johnny Depp's in yet another Burton film. It's by no means his best performance in a Burton film, it's widely agreed that their best work together was Edward Scissorhand, or Ed Wood - if you've seen either film, you'll agree with me and the rest of the world. I found the Hatter in the film slightly irritating, but it must be said, he was mad, through and through.

The other members of the cast, however, fit perfectly in their roles. Stephen Fry is exceptional as the Cheshire Cat, Michael Sheen, Barbara Windsor and Alan Rickman make their characters their own, absolutely. I would have loved for the Tweedle Twins to have more screentime - Matt Lucas was wonderful in that role; his voice, coupled with his facial expressions made me wish they'd had a bigger part, but alas, it was not to be.

I have had many a debate [I say debate, a lot of them have turned into full flung arguments] about this film. I've already stated what I didn't like about it, but nobody can deny that the visuals, especially, are Burton through and through. I've heard people say it's a total rip off of American McGee's Alice, which is a game for the PC. Okay, I'm sorry, but no. There are similarities, of course there are - Alice is summoned by the White Rabbit to a hugely altered Wonderland, which has turned into a twisted version of itself under the rule of the Red Queen, in Burton's and the Queen of Hearts in McGee's. She's also older in both film and game. There are similarities between every Alice in Wonderland ever made, for god's sake. Game, film, TV series, paintings - they were all inspired by the same book. But in McGee's Alice, Alice slashes her wrists and becomes catatonic. She is institutionalized in Rutledge Asylum, where she remains insane. The Alice below, from McGee's game, bears no resemblence to Alice from Burton's world, except the fact both are older than the Alice from the book.

Another one of my friends complained about the colour of the Cheshire Cat.

"And what was with the cheshire cats colours!"

There is no mention of the colour of the Cheshire Cat in Lewis' novel. In the book, he doesn't describe the Cheshire Cat except to say that it is "large" and "grinning from ear to ear" and has "very long claws and a great many teeth." Tenniel's illustrations are black and white. However, for 'The Nursery Alice', the shorter one, for younger children, he coloured some of them in. And the Cheshire Cat was brown.

So, there we have it. I didn't want this to read as a review, per se, more of an amalgamation of my thoughts and feelings. I saw the film because I like Tim Burton, and Alice in Wonderland. I do also believe it could have been better, than Burton could have easily put more of his own spin on it, but I'm going to buy the DVD, definitely. If just to hear Helena Bonham Carter say "Use the curtains if you must, but clothe this enormous girl!" over and over again. O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

Alice in Wonderland Exclusive Clip - Clothe This Girl

Trailer Park Movies | MySpace Video

I (L) WEIGHT WATCHERS

2010-02-17T12:59:00.002Z

Out of the people reading this, those who know me know I'm not exactly little.
So, this year, me and my mother, who is my worst enemy and my best friend all rolled into one, decided we were going to lose weight.
This is all fair and good, saying it is the easy part. It's the doing it that is difficult.
I've joined Weight Watchers, erm, three times, now, I think, and just sort of given up after a few weeks, but I'm determined to do it this time. I'm using their online service, it's awesome - £30 for the first three months and then a tenner every month after that.
Weight Watchers works by giving every item of food you eat a points value - you have a certain amount of points per day, depending on your level of activity etc, and you count what you eat. It used to annoy the life out of me, but I can do it all online now, and I can meal plan. I heart meal planning.
Now, because we haven't had time to go shopping this week, and there's nothing to eat in this house, really, I decided to go and buy some Weight Watchers ready meals. Chicken and Dumplings? I'm all up for dumplings, I LOVE them, and at only 4.5 points this seemed ideal.
I cooked it, from frozen, it took 45 minutes. It smelled lovely while it was in the oven; I took it out and was terribly underwhelmed. It's stuff like this that puts me off. If I had a camera, I'd post a picture. I ate the chicken and one [disappointing] dumpling and promptly binned the rest. Not after spilling half of it down the front of my dressing gown, like.

However, like I said, I refuse to be beaten, so, using the WW online thingy-me-jig, I had a bit mish through the recipes and found some that really caught my eye. You can search by points value, course, cuisine, prep time, difficulty level, it really is fun. I love Indian food, I'm always making curry in the house and I adore takeaway, but it's always really fattening. There are, however, recipes for my favourite things to get from the takeaway - there's a korma recipe, for five points, stuffed pittas with tandoori prawns for 3 points and tandoori chicken for 4.5 points - that only takes 20 minutes to prepare and cook.
I am in Indian heaven.
If I make these, I will photograph, if I remember.
=)

Well, well

2010-02-08T21:01:00.003Z

I haven't updated this in an incredibly long time.
I actually have absolutely nothing to blog about.
I bought some AWESOME new shoes, which I will photograph and post vair vair soon.
Otherwise, I've done nothing except laze around, and occasionally go to college.
I'm in the middle of writing a screenplay, for Film Studies, which is interesting :)
I should really get round to updating this thing once in a while. Although I'm aware nobody reads it :)

Those little messages used to be for me.

2009-11-21T19:26:00.002Z

I never knew I could feel like this.
Up one minute and down the very next;
I genuinely don't think I can cope with it any more.
I'm over you, at least that's what I try to tell myself.
No more Gravel, no more midnight phone calls, no more drunken stumbles home from the pub at 2am, no more angry mother, no more Elliott.
I can't do it anymore, every little thing reminds me of you.
I've never wanted to hurt somebody so bad; but then again, I've never been so upset I wanted to throw up. At least conciously, anyway.
I just want to be away from here; out of the house, out of the town, out of everywhere.
I know for a fact the first time I see you with her I'm going to cry.
Yet, in all of this, it was me who moved on first.
The only time I'm happy is when I'm lounging about on a too-small sofa watching Seinfeld and eating micro chips that I've cooked wrong. He doesn't know this; he obviously just thinks I'm happy all the time. But honestly, I'm only happy when I'm there. And I can't let him know that because I'm terrified of getting hurt.
This kills me, day by day. I see the things you say to her, the way you talk about her, and all the time I wonder what I did wrong.
But then again, it wasn't me, was it?

Don't leave me high...

2009-11-10T00:09:00.002Z

don't leave me dry....

There is one thing I regret. Only one thing, and it's not going to see Radiohead with my Dad.
Sigh.

This is a short blog post, mainly just to rant about how much of an absolute idiotically self centred prick my ex boyfriend is.
Voila.

Lack of sleep

2009-11-06T12:13:00.003Z

Nothing like the feeling of extreme tiredness to make you contemplate your life.
I mean, most of the time I just coast through life, remembering the good bits, ignoring all the bad bits.
But there are times when I sit and wonder to myself if the things that broke me, or the things that hurt my friends and ruined relationships, hadn't happened, would I be half the person I am today?

I know for a fact if my mother still lived with me I wouldn't be as headstrong as I am now.
I also know if I hadn't gone to college and I'd gone straight to uni after sixth form I'd be different as well...more arrogant, slightly more non-descript.

I enjoy feeling like this. A lot of the shit in my life never gets reflected on, except once in a blue moon, which just happens to have appeared around about now, apparently.
I even made myself read back over my diaries, something I never do.
I cried my eyes out for hours at some of it, other bits just made me grin my face off.

It's having no worries that I miss. Back when we'd all just finished school forever, and we could magic bottles of vodka and drugs and cigarettes out of the air. We used to lie around in the sunshine and float around our heads for days. But I'm too old for that now, apparently. I beg to differ. All my friends 'grew up'. They got jobs, and boyfriends, and went to uni. Because spending a weeks pay on a night out, staying in because your boyfriend makes you, or being constantly in debt makes you a bigger person than me. Of course it does.

I miss Sunday nights in the coach, when we used to drink cheap beer and get pissed, because nobody had anything better to do. There was always something going on, always something to talk about. I miss the people, Dann, and Raychel, and the nights Stacey used to come up after work.

But at the same time, I don't miss my past. I've moved on, I've changed, I've forgotten the friends who never made the time for me, I've forgotten the people who made my life hell. Facebook makes it a little bit harder, they all pretend to be interested in my life...I mean come on, you weren't for five years, what's so different about now? They think they've grown up because they see me out drinking, and have decided that maybe I'm not such a weirdo after all. But, look at it this way; I may go out drinking now, I may dance to the same songs you dance to, I may ask you for a light in a smoking area....I still like being on my own more than the next person, I still listen to Marilyn Manson, and I still write weird stories and enjoy talking about death. Nothing's changed at all, they're all still small minded small town idiots who can't see anything that's not in front of their face.

That's all I want. To know people who have the ability to look past the superficial, to see what goes on inside somebody's head. Maybe not even that, but just to be able to accept the extraordinary.
Is it really too much of a plea?

Boys like you are a dime a dozen, she said...

2009-10-27T20:55:00.003Z

I often sit and wonder if I've ever been in love.
So many people describe it in so many different ways, and I just sit and wonder which one rings true, and how you know when you're in love.
It would help me a lot if I was a hopeless romantic, but I'm not. I just don't like not knowing things.

There was him; about 8 months ago now, the last time I spent some decent time with him. I used to get fluttery feelings when he walked into a room, and when he texted me, and when he used to pull my hair and chew on my earlobes. But I often sit and wonder if I made the fluttery feelings up, or if it was just pure, insatiable lust. I miss him, I miss him the most, probably because he could get into my head, and he dug his way in and then kicked me in the fucking face - I'd like to say he's had his chances, but if he turned up at the door right now and asked me to run away with him, I know I'd go.

And then there would be Mr Robinson; the first boy I ever felt anything even slightly meaningful for - and I look at him these days, and I know for a fact I still love him, but it matured, and it grew, into something more brotherly-sisterly. I would marry him in a heartbeat, without a doubt, but only because we would never run out of things to talk about. At times I sit and wonder if I should tell him the only thing he doesn't know about me...but secrets are nice things to have, sometimes.

I know so many beautiful people who I want to say I'm in love with. I think I'm just in love with life, and all of my friends, and laughter, and waking up in the dark and stumbling around to go to college and spend an entire day crying laughing at nothing at all. I say I hate a lot of things, but I only seem to hate when people are around. When I'm on my own; on buses, or trains, or just walking about, everything makes me smile - when the bus has to stop to let the sheep cross the road, when the sunshine glints off the corners of the windmills, when the rain falls so hard I can hear it over my music. I love being on my own, I switch myself off and this whole new person appears.

She's the one who gets out when I'm lying in bed basking in post coital glow, she's the one who gets out when people catch me daydreaming, she's the one who people get to talk to when they find me curled up at the side of the dancefloor, covered in sweat and glitter. I cover them up as Freudian slips, but really, it's just a whole other side of me, that nobody really knows.

And then I meet these people, these absolutely beautiful people, and that's the only side of me I want them to see. Some people I meet, I immediately put on my "I couldn't care less what you have to say, I hate the world" face, because I know if I start, they won't understand me, or they're so small minded they won't want to hear. But the odd person slips through, or makes a good enough impression that I want them to see the side of me that I like, the one that doesn't complain about everything. And then he makes it even better by naming songs after me, cos he's an absolute sweetheart ^_^

That would be enough of the innerworkings of my brain for tonight.
Ciao xo

2009-10-04T22:58:00.003+01:00

I should probably update this more, but the thing is, my life's not really that interesting.
I'm back at college now, absolutely LOVING everything I'm doing.
We have to conduct a small scale research project for film; I get to write 4000 words about Burton. Pure good fun. We're doing religion in Sociology, which is great, I get to argue for four and a half hours a week. And I picked up AS Law, which is very interesting, but kind of annoying; I'm in a class full of 16 year olds and they're all way too excitable.

I broke up with the boyfriend, but I really do think it's for the better.
I've met this really nice guy, he lives in Newcastle [get me, being with someone in the big city, lmao] and watches so many TV shows it's unreal. I spend most weekends holed up in bed, floating around my own head, it's great.

On a different topic, I dyed my hair red. I love it, it's so much more me than mousey brown was. I think I'm gonna whack a bit of fuscia in it, make it more pinky than orange, as it's a bit of a weird coppery colour in places, but other than that, it's jazzy. I'm also thinking about getting it cut in some mad style, maybe even chopping it short O_O

Also, it is 23:02, which means bedtime, or I won't get up in the morning =
Night loveys x

So Did We.

2009-08-27T11:47:00.003+01:00

I posted earlier this month about falling love too easily.
And I'm going to post about it again now.

It seems to me that Southern boys are nicer than Northern boys.
Yes, all the guys I know from around here have that "I has rebel" factor which I completely adore, and while that's nice sometimes, there are times I just want somebody completely on my wavelength, someone who'll sit in the dark and listen to music with me and just hold my hand and be.

And all of this from a girl in a long term relationship.
I am an awful person.
Or maybe I'm not, maybe I'm too hard on myself.
I've been with the guy I'm with now for two years, almost, and regardless of what anybody says, it is a LONG time.
He's beautiful, he's sweet, he's funny, and I'm pretty much certain he'd give up the world for me.
So what's my problem?
I don't even know. Maybe I'm getting bored.
He's clingy, and slightly obsessive, far too sensitive about himself but totally lacking in any form of empathy for anyone else's problems, and it's becoming tedious. And he doesn't know how to get into my head. We're complete opposites, and it's starting to bother me that he doesn't know the real me after this long. When I say I want someone who knows me, he just looks at me all confused; you know that look that dogs do when they are baffled? Yeah, that one.

So, in essence, that was a nice whiney post for a Thursday morning, about how I'm being woeful and complaining that all the decent guys I know live 400 odd miles away. Sigh.
Also, college tomorrow, to find out if they want me back. Bigger sigh.

Poem.

2009-08-20T02:05:00.001+01:00

Also, poem.

Take me now, cross the bridge,
Metallic chariots roam.
Knee deep in disorder,
Chaos ensues
The second that lock tumbles.
Climb climb, bang bang’
Racing, breathing.
That all consuming bastard:
He slides, slithers, slowly
Intoxicating in his fucking entirety.
Carry on, tick, tock.
Digits twist, tug, gasp,
Teeth clash.
That irrevocable force,
Overwhelming, never ending.
Falling fabric, covers gone.
Sweet words and touch combine,
Essence mingles, fuck forever;
Nothings in your ear,
Nothing like you feared.
Step back; remorse.
Stark emptiness,
All fevour gone and left.
Again, or not, no more of this
Bliss, I can live without.

xo

Ponder.

2009-08-20T01:53:00.002+01:00

I am a bad blogger.
In many senses of the word.
I do not blog ever.
My life is hardly worthy of a blog.

But I do keep falling in love with people recently.
I can't help it. I'm with the most beautiful guy in the world, at least in my eyes he is, and at the moment I just can't stop talking to new people and deciding that I love them. Like Mr. Aussie, who shall remain nameless; he features in my dreams almost every night.
WHY? Why are you doing this to me, subconcious?
I'm happy where I am. Or at least I think I am. Maybe this is my unconcious mind's cry for help.
Oh god.

I know exactly why I'm blogging about this.
It is 2am, the bewitching hour.
The hour where I get all maudlin and my beloved Alex [who is a beautiful, beautiful specimen of a man with the most wonderful taste in everything, especially hair] puts up with me rambling on about my past loved and losts, and my future ones, and my constant ponderings over what love really is.

I say past loved and losts, but there's really only one. That raving schizophrenic who was brother to my best friend, and I took a shine to him, and got my head fucked about with so much I decided to give up. Although I didn't really, did I. Flame's still there. Bastard.

2009-08-08T16:13:00.001+01:00

It's official - I have the worst hangover in the world.
It's slowly pissing off but it still hurts.
I'm hungry as hell but I don't want to eat!

I went to see a few bands last night, was a fun fun night!
But then things got a little bit out of hand, too much tequila was drunk and I did a bad thing.
But it's not for the internet's eyes.

I might post some pictures from last night later, there's a ton apparently.

2009-08-04T21:47:00.005+01:00

Oh my goodness, I haven't updated this in about two weeks!

I've been crazy busy trying to sort out where I want to go to university, and keeping the house clean.

I had a tiny little shopping spree the other day, I bought a few mens teeshirts to hack up from Primark, and some underwear. OH and the comfiest slippers I've ever owned.
I'm in the process of planning my birthday weekend.

I was coerced into going to see a band on the 21st by a very beautiful man who just happened to be their guitarist [nowt like shameless self promotion!]

I told you he was beautiful - he's the only guy I've ever met who looks good in waistcoats and cowboy boots and far too much jewellery. Don't tell my boyfriend.
His new band are called Under the Gun, and it's a fiver, according to the Cluny website, if anyone wants to come - it's still a maybe as of yet.

And on the Saturday, if anyone reads this, you are cordially invited to Trills and Legends to dance the night away with me. I'm in the process of making a CD of songs which I'd like played, to see if the DJ will play it for me cos it's my birthday and I'm special and shit.

Anyway, I'm going to watch CSIIIIII as per.
Laters.

Party party!

2009-07-19T21:35:00.010+01:00

So today, I'm going to post some photos and stuff and talk about last weekend, and the past couple of days.

Saturday has to have been the best.
It was the first party I'd been to in a while, so I was seriously looking forward to it, and it didn't disappoint.
We went shopping in Asda first. We bought crisps, bread, burgers, sausages, 8 pint glasses for 2 pound [bargain!] and then spent far too much money on alcohol. Legends have these jugs on sale, which are really just alcopops mixed together to make nice colours, but i have to say, 'green' is wonderful, and I don't even know what's in it. So we made lots of green. And we made punch, with everything that we had. It tasted slightly of paintstripper, but it all got drank so it can't have been THAT bad!

We were going to have a BBQ, but we lacked one important thing - a BBQ. So Chris, being Chris, decided he would improvise. The photos that follow show what happened. There was no way I was eating food cooked on coke [charocal is used for BBQing as it's had all the shit cooked out of it, coke hasn't], and anyway, it looked like shite, so me and some other people ordered Chinese while we were playing Atmosfear, which turned out to be quite entertaining, as I've never seen somebody get stoned so fast, but that's another story!!

And now for some photos...

There's the BBQ Chris made. Ingenious, but the food was vile. And Atmosfear. And you can see the green stuff on the last photo. 'Citin.On Sunday we went to see Harry Potter. Slightly disappointing; however, Draco Malfoy is working that suit, oh yes. We had lunch in the Strawberry, across from St. James Park, which was a bit of a disappointment - no loo roll in the ladies', cold plates, Smash instead of mashed potato, blah blah, blah blah. My beautifully hungover boyfriend zonked out in the cinema and missed most of the film, but never mind.

Tuesday night we went out for a few drinks for one of my mate's birthdays, which was quite fun. Sailor Jerry's and blackcurrant and lemonade tastes like drumstick lollies, it's absolutely amazing!

I have so many plans for this weekend, I'm supposed to be at another BBQ, I want to go and see a band and the pub in my boyfriend's village is reopening under new ownership! I don't know what to do!

The One With Frank Jr.

2009-07-16T18:01:00.004+01:00

I love Friends ^_^

It's like the only thing I watch on Freeview, if I could afford to buy all the DVDs I would, not that I have a DVD player to play DVDs on.

Seriously, there are about 250 DVDs in this house, and five DVD players, but none of them work.

And my laptop doesn't like most of the DVDs I want to watch, and won't play them. Technology hates me =(

I'm in the process of downloading all of the Wire in the Blood and CSI I can find, which is probably why it takes me about an hour to connect to one website, it's insane, but I'm addicted to them. I'm always knackered on Monday mornings, because CSI's on til 1am on Sunday nights - it's bad for me man.

Ooooh the advert for the new Ford Fiesta's just been on. It's glorious. And now that Pepsi adverts on, the one where the guy throws himself around the office so the other guy gets the job. I like adverts :)

Speaking of cars, they had the new Focus RS on Top Gear the other day, it's glorious.

Green one :)

Aaaaand the blue one :)

I loooove them.

And that's wasted five minutes of your time, me telling you about cars and adverts, haha.

Today is cleaning day.

2009-07-15T15:41:00.004+01:00

All I have done all day is clean!
I hoovered; I hate hoovering, especially the stairs.
The oven is now sparkling and shiny and smells of oranges - cleaning the oven isn't difficult, it's just the most disgusting thing I've ever done.

I'm watching Pokemon on CITV, can anyone remember Pokemon? I haven't watched it since I was about ten years old - I didn't even know it was still on! I don't have a clue what's going on though, there's a little monkey with a fiery tale fighting a dinosaur =

I have no plans for this week, really, until the weekend. I am desperate for a job, I need some money, but I'm so picky, and to be honest I'm really lazy. I want money but I don't want to work for it.
But anyway, on Saturday, we're having a barbeque. I love barbeques, I wish I lived somewhere warm, I'd have them all the time. I'm going to marinade a load of stuff and make some kebabs and things - ooooh and some pork burgers, because they're wonderful.
Speaking of food, I am absolutely starving; I'm in the process of making sausage and mash with sausages from Knitsley Farm Shop - they have pigs in a barn that you can go and look at, but I prefered the chickens, I don't really like pigs.
I also bought some fudge, made by someone called Loopy Lisa [wtf], which was nice, even thought I don't really like fudge.
I bought a lemon syrup cake, and some biscuits, and a past for my dad. Oh and some chili rice crackers. All of this cost me about £800. I'm kidding, but it was insanely expensive - I spent about 15 quid.

I adore farm shops. I adore any shop which sells food really; I could live in Fenwicks food hall. I get excited at Christmas and other special occasions - I mean I cook all the time but sometimes Dad lets me loose in Fenwicks food hall to buy ingredients, and food cooked with better ingredients always turns out wonderfully, even if it's just a simple bacon sandwich.
I ate at Langley Castle, in Northumberland, for my Gran's 70th birthday - it was stupidly expensive, something like 60 quid a head, but the food was divine.
There are so many restaurants I want to visit. I'm trying to make my Dad take me to Heston Blumenthal's Fat Duck - I would kill to eat the food that man cooks.
More locally, The Feathers at Hedley on the Hill looks absolutely amazing - Rhian Cradock knows how to cook with locally sourced ingredients.
Another really nice place to eat around here is the Anchor, down at Whittonstall; I've had some amazing meals there.
I will, however, elaborate on this later; I'm burning the sausages!

New one.

2009-07-15T00:04:00.003+01:00

I recently became obsessed with blogspot, I wind myself in circles and end up with a list as long as my arm of favourite pages, most of which I delete.
This led me to want to start my own blog. I have absolutely no idea what I'll write about - probably just random thoughts and occurences during my day which I find worthy of sharing with you.
I really do ramble on quite a lot, especially while I'm sitting doing something else whilst typing; par exemple, I'm watching QI right now, and they're talking about Deep Vein Thrombosis. And where it comes from. I would actually like to know who comes up with these questions.

To recap the past couple of weeks. I have had too many nights out, far too many hangovers, and been to one hell of a gig. I absolutely adore The Birthday Massacre; Chibi [the lead singer] waved at me ^_^! I also had to beat back a boy at the front when it was finished so I could have the set list, which I may scan at some point so I can brag, not that anybody will actually care.
I have also become a fan of impromptu nights out in Newcastle, which is quite odd, because I'm usually one for meticulous planning - I could make lists forever. I am incredibly suprised I haven't yet fallen down the stairs in Legends yet; why is it that all the places I drink in in Newcastle have stairs?

I still don't know what I want to do for my birthday, if I could afford it I would just have a massive rave in a big field, but I have no money so that's totally off the cards. I was considering York, but nobody will come [or that'll probably happen]. So maybe just Newcastle, and I can finally take Becky to Legends,and Trillians, but Trillians all depends on how much money everbody has seeing as it's an absolute rip off.

My cat [who is the cutest animal in the world] is lying on the floor fighting with a pencil. I will one day get round to posting photos of me, and the rest of my life, including the cat so you can see just how cute she is.

And that is that. First blog post. Phew.